Surviving Means Death

I spent the last few years in survival mode. I was a full time student, a relatively new wife and a brand new mommy.  I’m not complaining because those are all wonderful and amazing things that I had the privilege of becoming. I loved the adventure of being a graduate student in seminary and moving to a new place with my husband and baby. What I didn’t realize is that I wouldn’t pause long enough to enjoy it. Somewhere in the midst of studying, working, caring for a baby and commuting, we switched to surviving our life.

The problem is when you are in survival mode everything is a challenge. You stop seeing the joy of the simple moments, like when you have the time to be together and play in the leaves or when you young child begins to develop his own personality. You know that these moments are happening but stopping to reflect and enjoy the moment just doesn’t happen.  

 A few years ago I began this blog as an effort to reflect more on my life and at times it worked but then I got busy again. Survival mode once again! It seemed to me that I was in this crazy cycle of racing to the finish and never pausing to enjoy how I was getting there.

Well I’m done with surviving, it’s time to live. If we don’t starting living we are going to die. I know that sounds like a stupid statement but when you go into survival mode you stop connecting with those around you and relationships suffer.

I’m going to go on more dates with my husband and find more time to be with him without the kids. This will be a strain on our budget because babysitters are expensive but not knowing one another is more expensive. This is the man I love and the man I promised to spend my life with so I should be sure I know who he is.

I’m going to spend more time with my family. The boys and I are going to cook more cookies and have more field trips.  Once again, I know that some of these activities will have some costs attached to them but we need to do some of these things together to begin building memories. They also give us time to get to know one another outside of an ordinary day when we are often jumping from one thing to the next.

I have decided that I cannot afford to survive right now. I quit! The health of my family, both now and in the future, depends on our living our shared life to the fullest.

As I’m writing this I can’t help but think that churches often to the same thing. Many Episcopal Churches have switched over to survival mode and I don’t think they realize it. The money in the plate is less and people aren’t engaging in the same way as they did in the past so parishes get nervous and scared. This is understandable but when this fear leads parishes to switch to survival mode rather than living fully into our calling as Christians, a parish begins to die.

I get it there aren’t many funds to go around and Sunday morning looks different but that is when we are supposed to put our trust in God and take risks. Our job is to spread the Gospel regardless of how much we have to spend. When you are in survival mode, you lose your focus and purpose, believe me I know! I’ve been there! I know that the budget is tight and that you feel like your robbing Peter to pay Paul . . .

The future of your congregation is dependent upon you having a mission and a focus. It’s about showing God to your community by showing them how Jesus wants us to live life together. What does your community need? Not what does your church need but what are the needs of those around you! Start there?

In towns where the economy is poor and the industry is leaving, perhaps you can begin a retraining program at your church. Help those who can get jobs to complete their GED or learn about the skills they need to move into another job. Teach them how the skills, they already have can be used in other fields jobs with a little extra training.

In communities with a high homeless rate, discuss what these men, women and children need most. Sometimes it is childcare so that parents can work to be able to pay rent. Child care for these families is not limit to normal business hours because often the jobs that are available are not 9-5. Perhaps it is a space where adults can come, get cleaned up, wash clothes and have a meal before they go to an interview or even into work. Not all those who are homeless are unemployed.

What if you learn that people just need to make their grocery money go a little further each month so they can provide nutritious food to themselves or their families? Plant a community garden or provide people with the staples like rice, beans, flour sugar, etc. so they can spend their money on fresh food.

If you are in a community that is highly educated, partner with a local restaurant to provide people with a safer space to discuss beliefs and theology. There are so many people who are afraid of the actual church because they have been hurt by the church or because they have never been introduced to church. Give them a place to explore their beliefs that isn’t scary. Invite them to get to know you in one setting and then invited them to join you at church. Some will come and other will remain a part of your community in a different way.

Get out of the church and find out how you can be Christ to your community. There will always be people in need you just have to find out how you can help in your own little way. Walk the street and figure out how you can make your mark on your community.

Don’t do it because you feel like it’s required. Do it because you can’t help it. Do it because when you took the time to reflect on your parish and the mark it is leaving in the community, you discovered that you are surviving. Give yourselves permission to take even the smallest risk to engage with those who don’t look like you but who are hungry to be part of something bigger than themselves.

None of us wants to be in survival mode. It’s not fun, it’s scary, and it's just plain exhausting. Take a risk, this Advent, be vulnerable to one another and to those around you. Take a risk to live, to enjoy life and to show others God and to see God in those around you.

As BB (my three year old) says “Be Brave and Roar, Mommy!” Make some noise, shake things up and stop trying to survive!

LIVE!