Ontological, what?

        Seminary changes you. I can’t explain how because each person is very different but it does. If you are married and arrive with a family, it changes your family. This change may mess with your solid and unchangeable beliefs. Change shakes things up and makes you questions or it may be as simple as changing how you approach another person who is in pain. The change happens while you aren’t looking and while you think you are just jumping through hoops, so to speak.  It happens in class, at internship and in learning how to juggle more schedules than any one family should have.These changes can be painful but it is good. I knew this was going to happen because change is the one constant in our lives

I was prepared to be changed slowly over time but I wasn’t prepared for how I would change as a result of my ordination. We are told in seminary that we will be ontologically changed with our ordination. This is a fancy way of saying that our very being with change with the vows that we take at ordination. As students, we sometimes joke about it because it is a difficult thing to wrap your mind around.

        How can this one act change my very being? It doesn’t in one fell swoop but we are changed and we can’t deny that change. The biggest change is how others view us, at least in the beginning.

         I’m getting used to the double takes that I get when I walk around Blacksburg wearing my collar. Granted the clerical collar is definitely a fashion statement that one cannot escape. Pair the collar with my eight month pregnant belly and I’m sure you can imagine the looks of shock and the double takes, I get on the street. I get a good chuckle to myself anytime someone around me is staring in amazement. I look forward to the time when someone will ask me about my collar and why I wear it but for now I’ll just chuckle to myself.

          Last Thursday I was the one doing a double take. I stopped by the bank after work. I forgot that I was wearing my collar. At the end of my transaction, the bank teller smiled and said to me, “Have a great day, Rev. Emily.” I was shocked and I actually looked behind me to see to whom she was talking. I wasn't prepared to be recognized by someone as clergy. I know that The Reverend is part of my official title, I just wasn't expecting someone outside of my parish to use it.  I know it shouldn't surprise me but it did. I know it won't be the last time but wow my name still sounds funny to me when it follows a title.

          What really surprised me, after the initial shock of hearing myself referred to as Rev. Emily was my own awareness of what that meant. I thought long and hard about how I had behaved and if I had treated her with dignity and respect because I saw Christ in her. I became acutely aware of how my actions when I'm wearing my collar with not only represent me but also the church. More important than the church, I became aware that my actions even in the most casual interactions may be one of the few experiences of the church and of God that those around me may have on a given day. Suddenly, my Baptismal Covenant is more present in my day to day interaction than I ever realized it would be. It must be at the front of my mind at all times. I think this is true of all Christians but I am now aware that the "uniform" will define me more than I realized.

          It is a humbling experience!